Curious Little Shadows | From The Abandoned Projects Drawer

Curious Little Shadows was an attempt (c.2011) to go darker than my usual goofy “trying to be funny” illustrations. And was hoping, naively, I’d evolve these gloomy situations into 30 second animated shorts. Or a illustrated story book… sooooo, no concrete objective. What’s new, right?

Essentially, these “Shadows” are little bean-sized creatures with no discernable features, except for eyes and whatever ambient light hits their fleecy bodies. They wander the forest floor clustered together, for the most part, avoiding predators of all sorts (for which there are many)… I never fleshed out WHY they were constantly on the move - I guess I figured nothing in nature has a personal goal to aim for, except for survival.

With almost every dire encounter they face, one of the Shadows will perish. The Shadows, after the initial shock, do not mourn - they have to keep moving, keep hiding, keep surviving.

Looking back almost a decade later, this whole abandoned project (#abandonedproject) was an experiment in self-taught backlighting. More accurately, lots of happy little accidents just happened to formulate some purposeful motive - i.e. hmmm, that whoopsie-doodle slip-of-the-wrist brushstroke looks out of place… wait a minute… what if I add another brushstroke next to it? Wow, that… that works! Wasn’t the plan. Well, dummy, quit arguing with yourself and keep doing it!

I planned to make one of these illos into a 10 second test animation - the toothy red-eyed encounter pic - but never got past converting the pic to 16:9 aspect ratio (below).

Good Ol' Boys & Daisy#1 & Daisy#2 & Daisy#3

First, HBO announced “Gone With The Wind” would be shelved in response to current “public outrage” over confederacy and slavery aspects of the film. And as race relations upheaval and debate transpire all over the US, it won’t be long before other films and syndicated TV titles get mothballed as a result.

Well, looks like them Duke boys have found a way ‘round broadcast censorship vis-á-vis the confederate flag atop of the Charger.

Flagrantly False Fun fact: The folks of Hazzard County were ignorantly unaware Uncle Jesse was a pioneer in genetic engineering; yet, mentioned in hushed tones around town were rumors of his early experimentations with inbreeding, but let’s table that abhorrent chatter for another time (or never).

And, for those degenerate “fancies cartoon cloned women” freaks out there, I present to you the Daisies:

Maul Ain't No Shusher | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

It's time for another episode of…

Poor Quality Scan Time!

In tonight's installment, we find mega-tattooed villain Darth Maul at The Phantom Menace's theatrical premiere. Unfortunately for the patron in front, Maul has no qualms about making him aware he’s obstructing his view!

Featured in Starlog Magazine #276 (c.2000), I recently rediscovered this gag's existence after a brief visit to archive.org.

Hmmm... this may've been an accidental goof, but, the poor decapitated popcorn-lovin' patron depicted in the gag has an uncanny resemblance to Starlog's editor, David McDonnell.

Muffled Mayhem

A timely toon based on current anarchic events... regrettably, the cast and cartoonist were wearing face masks, thus the text came out muffled. My bad.

Whatever it was, I'm sure it was both funny and thought-provoking.

Tried fixing both word balloon script and gag line in post, but to no avail.

Tonight on Buck Rogers : Twiki vs The Tamagotchi!

Remember that Tamagotchi fad decades ago? Anyone? Well, as Twiki quickly discovered, those things became exceedingly annoying pretty quickly!

An ol' gag of mine, originally published in Starlog #255 (20+yrs ago) in b/w, but recently colored here for your viewing.

Penned as my first published pseudonym “Big Bad Bubba” - c.1998 - back before changing to ”Bort”.

Have A Happy Heart Tree Day | File This Under "Hodor"

Drawn at a time when there was a torrential downpour of Hodor memes (c.2014), I think I remember a “Happy Heart Tree Day” facebook post. That got me to doodling this piece:

The pair of clogs hung from the weirwood tree’s branch is another annoying in-joke (a’la facebook friends).

Or, if you’re a Game Of Thrones nutball and wanna try ‘n’ read some fandom theory as to why there’re clogs on one side and a paraplegic Bran Stark (with Hodor) is on the other… paralysis …. footwear… there’s some vicious ominous taunting analogy there…

Banana Bread (A Homage To)

What can I say? I LUV banana bread! Can’t get enough of it!

And after a period of time NOT having banana bread, then coming back for a slice (or five)… I… I can’t properly describe the emotional significance of biting into the moist, cake-like texture of what is, essentially, mashed banana! Thankfully, this illo (c.2014) is a testament to said unsaid description:

When enjoying banana bread, experts recommend wearing knee-high Lederhosen at all times.

Wake Up That Force, For Pete's Sake! | "The Force Awakens" Pre-Release Gags

Back in 2012, upon hearing Mr. Lucas sold his company off to Disney Inc. - and the later news J.J. Abrams spearheading a continuation of the Star Wars saga - my initial thoughts were:

  • Why? Surely Mr. Lucas doesn’t need MORE money, no?

  • Will Disney Inc. leave Mr. Lucas’ “Star Wars” legacy untouched?

  • Abrams is a capable storyteller. I mean, look at the unbelievably great treatment he did reimagining the “Star Trek” universe! How could anyone of that stature - and a true “Star Wars” fan, mind you - ever, EVER go wrong?

Well, in this humble doodling hack’s opinion, HE DID! So horribly, awfully WROOOOOONG!!!

However, in the innocent speculative year prior to “The Force Awakens”’ release, I was damn excited.

Abrams’ 2009 “Star Trek” and the one after that were awesome!

His produced ABC’s “Lost” series was frickin’ brilliant! And, yes, that even applies to the final episode (a lot of people sincerely disagree with me, but they’re stupid poo-poo heads).

Aaaaanyway, I’m going way off the grid with this post…. let me steer back into the lane….

…. so, when it was announced the next “Star Wars” film’s title would be “The Force Awakens”, my Starlogesque-cartoonist brain started churning (for the first time since 2009) and ***BOOM!*** I sketched-up and facebook-posted this lovely piece of Starloggy gaggery:

Signed as “Big Bad Bubba Junior” - an amended callout to my 1st actual Starlog Magazine pseudonym (“Big Bad Bubba”).

Months later, there were rumors of the film’s production being delayed that could’ve pushed out the release date (it wasn’t true because… the internet!)… so I gave birth to another squishy gag:

Sidenote: 2015 came. The movie had just come out. I got my “The Force Awakens” tickets a week after general release (the waiting list was long, I remember). I got a primo seat. The theater darkened. I read the “Star Wars” intro crawl and …

… and…

…. well, I won’t lie to you…. HATED IT! The plotline was nothing grand, the characters’ motivation were idiotic & annoying, the pacing was irritatingly simple-minded… sooooo, I walked out ¾ the way through. My only regret was:

I wish I’d walked out way sooner!!!

Marvin's Planetary Brain | Another HHG2G toon

To quote wikipedia’s entry on Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy’s Marvin, The Paranoid Android:

Marvin is afflicted with severe depression and boredom, in part because he has a "brain the size of a planet" which he is seldom, if ever, given the chance to use.

Thank goodness the 2005 film version of Marvin had a spherical head, perfect for some kind of planet gag!

Penned as “big Bad Bubba” - c.2005 - back before changing to ”Bort”.

A Bunch Of Ol' Battlestar Galactica Gags | From The Starlog Toon Archives

Behold! Battlestar Galactica toons!

These are, I think, ALL the BSG gags I did for Starlog over the years. there actually may be many more - I can’t recall every gag I did. Anyone having more-than-enough free time can browse every Starlog mag online from 1998 to 2009… please, let me know if you find a BSG-related gag that should belong here.

This post was inspired by a random Battlestar Galactica-referenced facebook post by Jim Cutler (you may recognize his voice over promos from MSNBC, Discovery Channel, et al).

Anyhoo, if your stomach can handle it, please enjoy the following:

Häppy Fremdschämen | Another Mrs. Berry Birthday Doodle

Ahh, it’s that time of year I draw up a special German-themed birthday doodle for my favorite mom (of my fan/friend in New Jersey)(#adoptedmominnutley), continuing on with the in-joke previously mentioned here.

This time, the painfully German traditionalistic eccentricities of this one are coupled with the whole Covid-19 brouhaha we’re all in together at this time.

I ran out of those nifty PPE things you slip on feet… I had to make do with discarded Wonder Bread bags.

Kitty Caricature | From The Abandoned Projects Drawer

As part of my mid-to-late-2009 personal deliberation, months after returning from a memorable 10-day expedition to the US (Nutley, NJ, to be exact) and brainstorming ways to make big wads of cash on the side in order to fly back there! I had nothing to sell, no savings, and let’s not forget the 2008/09 financial collapse (and keeping my job was up-in-the-air)… no chance of a sudden lottery win, I’m sure (although, I’d hoped. Boy, did I hope!). So, what am I to do?

Here’s just one loony idea I seriously thought I could master: iPhones were a new thing at that time - why not learn about app development, create an app, make money selling that app, and live high on the hog? Easy, I’m sure. Turns out… NO! IT’S NOT! YOU IDIOT!

I then turned to finding ways to monopolise skills I’d honed over the years… Starlog Magazine had folded (so, cash for my cartoons was out)… somehow, the idea of drawing people’s pets was floated by my fan/friend in NJ (to whom was a veterinary technician).

Long story short, the below painting was THE first Kitty Kature (yes, THAT was I called them)(patent [not]pending).

And here are a couple more. I signed these with my alternate pseudonym “furbawl”.

There are a few more, I’m sure, lurking away in a dusty hard drive somewhere in the closet. I remember drawing up dogs… anyways, I find ‘em, I’ll add them to this post

Give A Hoot - Read A E-Learning Book (ugh! awful title)

Here’s some stuff I did several years ago for a E-Learning app thingy, aimed at young wippersnappers and scholastic dingdongs.

Focus.

Inspire.

Teach.

Connect.

Encourage.

Podium (female option).

Podium (male version).

The below B/W illos were a later extension of the same job. The crucial difference between the above and the below were:

  1. I got paid for the colored illos;

  2. I didn’t get paid for the B/W illos (i.e. I invoiced, but never received a check).

DVD Extras!

Here are selected preliminary roughs/sketches. These drafts are what clients usually sees to better understand the illustrator’s interpretation of their assigned brief (which, in most cases, is as rough as the illo roughs!). It’s raw! THAT’S what I like about ‘em.

Oh... Great... More Accolades... Okay, Let's Get This Over With

I was notified by email from work that I have been with the company for FIVE years!

And so, I replied in kind with this:

Prior to quickly doodling/coloring and sending this illo off, the original pencil rough had me walking in a solo parade on a bleak-looking day (re:puddles) with one paid spectator asleep in the empty bleachers. But I had other things to do, so it’s just me and the puddles.

The work email further mentioned I’d be getting a $150 voucher from a retailer of my choosing. And a certificate! Whoa! I’m sooooo excited (#sarcasm).

I again replied, asking if they’d instead donate the $150 to the local animal shelter (RSPCA).

I added they may donate the certificate as well… I’m sure it’d be put to good use at the bottom of an injured parrot’s birdcage… I quickly drew that up too.

Matrix's Cousin Itt | A Starlog Archive Cartoon

Circa 1999, from Starlog Magazine #268 (pg.10) is one of a number of Matrix gags I did at the time. Being decades old, how Cousin Itt* came to mind when doodling Matrix cartoon ideas is a head scratcher… I might’ve heard a discussion on radio about Itt, something along the lines of “… and all he is is a gigantic sentient fur ball…” So, being completely devoid of a central nervous system, Cousin Itt would naturally be immune to the machine world.

* As I learned afterwards, and recently relearned, in the gagline I’d spelt “Cousin It” with only one “T” - coinesseurs of Addams Family will point out the correct spelling is “Cousin Itt”.